Conspiracy Theory?

If Hollywood studios are looking for talented script writers, they should look no further than the shores of Singapore, what with the absolutely ingenious and utterly fictional script written of Mas Selamat's aka Mas Houdini's (Give me a break. Even Houdini couldnt pull this off.) great escapade from a heavily guarded detention center in Singapore.

Did Mas Selamat really escape from a maximum security detention center on the pretext of a piss, or since it apparently is the vogue to write scripts, could I preposterously write my own, and suggest that we are instead talking about a dead man pissing?

Think about it. The concept and ideology of 'kiasuism' applies not only to the average Singaporean. Were you recently at the Singapore Airshow? I bet you were not exactly amused that you had difficulty in moving anywhere without being checked and scrutinized for any elements of a security threat. Oh. The ignominy of being treated like a criminal while at the same time deprived of breathing air must have really irked you, didn't it? And the worst crime you ever committed was litter and jaywalking.

Now consider the fact that Mas Selamat is the head of the Singapore affiliate cell of the JI. Am I the only one who finds it ludicrous and improbable to fathom the thought that such a figurehead of such political sensitivities would be allowed to take a pee without close supervision?

Was he well-versed in martial arts? Perhaps he dabbled in black magic? To add the proverbial punch to the story, he managed to leave the detention center with a permanent limp in his left leg. (Take that, Carl Lewis) For those of you not awares, the detention center is actually guarded by ISD(Internal Security Department) and Gurka officers. The Gurkas are a disciplined, tough, mechanical, almost mercenary outfit of men from Nepal trained to kill, or at the very least, maim adversaries.

Please do not insult my intelligence by insinuating that the man just simply waltzed his way out of the detention center, bad leg and all. Something lurks beneath the surface and the entire episode reeks of a conspiracy theory. How, exactly, did Mas Selamat escape?

There are several theories:
1) He fought his way out of the damn detention center. Yeah right. Provided the man takes bullets as a health supplement.
2) He utilized black magic. Who needs Harry Potter when you have a magician right on your door-step?
3) He bribed the entire goddamn facility. With all due respect to the good men of the ISD and the Gurkas, I steadfastly hold the belief that our security forces are corruption free, GOD willing. By the way, stop blaming the SPF for this entire saga. The ISD reports directly to the Prime Minister's office and the Gurkas report directly to... well... whoever is in charge of the Gurkas, which, by the way, is definitely not the JI. Therefore, categorically speaking, the ISD is not a direct affiliate of the SPF.
4) He actually did ask to go for a piss, got pissed off, (Mas Selemat is notorious for his disdain for incarceration) decided that he had enough of being detained, said goodbye to everybody and walked out of the center. Yes Sir. We believe you. If we had peas as substitutes for brains.
5) Mas Selamat is dead while in detention. For fear of reprisal, I shall not speculate on how that may have occurred. Draw your own conclusions.

I may be jumping the gun but how would Singaporeans react should Mas Selamat's body conveniently turn up mysteriously somewhere in a deserted outpost?

The answer is: Relief would inundate the island that the saga is over that nobody would even question how he ended up dead in the first place. As conspiracy theories go, this would conceivably, be the biggest in the history of Singapore.

I could be a Hollywood script writer myself but until somebody can reasonably explain to me how Mas Selamat managed to get out of the detention center in the first place, I am simply not buying the story that we lost Singapore's most wanted man due to an alleged piss.

It seems to me, that to the contrary, we could all be the victims of a great piss in the face by the authorities.