Are you really a fan?

First and foremost, congratulations to Manchester United in winning the Mickey Mouse, eerrmm, I mean the League Cup after a quite insipid penalty shoot-out victory over the mighty Spurs from White Hart Lane. Still, a victory is still a victory and United are now favourites to win the League after Liverpool slumped to defeat at the Riverside, leaving United seven points clear of the chasing pack, with a game in hand to boot.

Therefore, so typical of United ‘fans’, I have been touted incessantly, such is my proclaimed love for Liverpool FC, when I would ‘burn my Liverpool jersey’, why I continue to be a ‘Loserpool’ fan and wouldn’t it be better to a Man Utd ‘fan’? Therein lies the question: What is a ‘fan’? Are you really a ‘fan’?

I had the great ‘honor’ of meeting a United ‘fan’ whom when asked what is United’s stadium called, had this answer: “eeerrmmm… The Man U stadium lor.’ I know of United ‘fans’ who do not know that United have won 17 league championships, that last season’s European Champions League triumph was United’s third in the prestigious competition. (That’s right, THREE. Liverpool has FIVE.) I had United ‘fans’ who gave me the most quizzical look in the world when I mentioned the names of Duncan Edwards, Matt Busby and horror of horror, even Bobby Charlton. And of course, Alex Ferguson has been United’s manager since, well, forever? (Ferguson took the Old Trafford reins in 1986 and Ron Atkinson was Ferguson’s predecessor)

If you belonged to the above group of United ‘fans’, please do not have the temerity to question my commitment to my beloved club. If a Liverpool fan could tell you more about Manchester United than you, a self-professed ‘fan’, it really begs answering: Just what kind of fan are you?

I would never dare to brand myself the biggest Liverpool FC fan in the world, for I only started following and loving the club in 1994, when a certain wing wizard named Steve McManaman mesmerized me when he single-handedly defeated Bolton Wanders in the Mickey Mouse, darn, there I go again. I solemnly and respectfully meant the League Cup.

Yet I have no problems telling you that Ian Callaghan is Liverpool’s record appearances holder with 857 appearances spanning 20 years. Or that Ian Rush remains the club’s record goal scorer with a staggering haul of 346 goals. Or that Bob Paisley remains Liverpool’s most decorated manager of all time. (despite the shadow of the great man, Bill Shankly.) Or that Jamie Carragher remains Liverpool’s record appearance holder in European competitions. Or that current skipper Steven Gerrard remains Liverpool’s record goal scorer in European competitions. It is not my intention to be boastful or undermine anybody’s right to support the team of your choice but shouldn’t a genuine ‘fan’ possess some basic knowledge of your club? If not, at least have the decency not to publicly parade yourself as a ‘fan’, goading and touting other fans with unabashed shame. Retain some self-respect and stop making a mockery of genuine fans that stick by their teams through thick and thin.

There are plenty of football quizzes available online. Do go take one and find out exactly how much you really know about your football club before you disgrace your football club and demonstrate to others how embarrassingly ignorant you are. While you are at it, you might as well take any tests or quizzes along the lines of:

· ‘Am I a poser?’
· ‘Am I an attention-seeker who is emotionally insecure?’
· ‘Do I need to align myself with winners because I am a loser?’

Or something like that. You get the idea. Have fun!